Youre guessing that your wife might have vaginal atrophy, but you dont know. Weve been married nearly 39 years and needless to say the last couple of decades I could have done without his aloofness. Whatever it is, the impact for you is that you don't feel loved or cared about the same. Bitter? Wish she would just say so. Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. I think it was William Shakespeare who pondered what an irony it was that desire usually so outlasts ability. She didnt. She does something she HATES because she loves me, but cant do something she supposedly ENJOYS for 8.5 years. But wasnt it lovely when we were young and lithe and our bodies would do anything we asked of them? However, if both partners are not okay with a sexless marriage, your relationship wont survive. Is there anything I can do. With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. Do this without the expectation of sexual intimacy. Be the man who won her heart! Maybe when she met you she saw a very rich lifestyle that has not panned out. Demetria, so how old are you now? My doctor has tried several medications to stop any and all sexual feelings that I feel , but the side effects have always been so adverse that none of them worked out. I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. State your case, either put out or leave me get some on the side, because you dont care. The last time we tried, she complained of the pain even with lubrication. If you are not. Im a 68, fun, attractive, domestic woman who loves intimacy. "The typical, goal-oriented 'round-the-bases' approach to sex doesn't inspire, arouse, or satisfy women," relationship coach Bez Stone writes at mbg. You cannot force desire no matter what you do or if it is the other partner, same thing. She said, YOU WILL LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN?! Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? First few years sex was great. So, heres what I did. Still, feeling like your wife doesnt want sex anymore? She says that its up to me to deal with it however I choose. Reality, we can go easy one yr without sex, he doesnt touch me,nada! I still love my wife dearly and I am committed to her but I have to take care of myself. If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. However this does not mean that sex should just cease and its quite difficult for one party in a marriage or long term relationship to just do without something like this because the other party has lost interest (or is depressed), or whatever. Ive tried suggesting a date, but its hard to find something she wants to do or doesnt cost too much. She had a hysterectomy years ago do to cancer concerns, about 5 years ago she had a stroke like episode but there where no signs of actual stroke damage and she had started botox/steroid therapy in her spinal column for pain issues so there is suspicion that caused it, but because of a possible stroke they wont give estrogen. That may not be possible. When we were young, we had sex every single day. The sooner you understand what it is youre going through, the quicker youll be able to address it. Women fall in love with their husbands have kids and having kids taking care of the kids 99.99% and working full time or taking some class to better your job. Are you a fit 55 year old woman with a high sex drive? Drying up was a major problem. Im just sad and trying to figure things out. 330 Comments We havent had sex in 6 months and she has rejected my advances numerous times. I though it was my age, now I am 65 look OK, but not yong any more. This is especially true of couples in their 40s and 50s, or those who have been married more than 10-15 years. Turns out childhood trauma caused me to have an attachment disorder which in turn caused subconscious intimacy anxiety which would then cause me to suffer from severe sexual dysfunctions which turned out to be unfixable. by *someone!! Neither partner should have to feel obligated to satisfy the other out of some outmoded quasi religious relief or instruction, my wife is wonderful in many ways but now has reached, she believes, a stage[67] where she has no desire, except release masturbation , thats my misfortune but I try to understand. Now married to number 3. I have given up trying since the rejections and sometimes total indifference is devastating. Does Thunderbird mean anything to you? What to Do When Your Husband Doesn't Want You Sexually - Marriage She refuses to talk about it. But, do not sell yourself. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that my wife wont touch me sexually, youre not alone. I just dont understand. However, whenever a relationship began getting serious my body would suddenly shut down- no erection, no ejaculation, no desire. Find someone who finds you attractive, become more attractive, get in shape (thats key). Shes particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. It isnt about the phone or computer. Empathy builds into emotional intimacy, and often this is what she needs first before opening up to something physical. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. It is sad when u see other men drooling over me but the one I want. She does not like to give blow jobs or hand jobs, so I have to do it myself, jerking off and imagining sex with anyone. What should the husband do. Many men and most women are connected through sexual intimacy. Sadly so, leave! Man, thats no way to respond to your wife, person you care deeply about whos saying to you that theyre experiencing mental health crisis in your relationship. Having children may be one reason intimacy has decreased in your marriage, but it is not the only reason. But we dont have sex or make love or anything you want to call it! For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel . (function() { // REQUIRED CONFIGURATION VARIABLE: EDIT THE SHORTNAME BELOW Who risks? At this stage, you may be right about getting help. I chose to stay just to piss my wife off. Marriage vows are till death do you part. Sucks to be me, right! I just dont understand. Hell go out and get what you can as long as its safe and mutually desired. Drugs and orgasm. Some nice and some angry! For women its submitting to the protector of her choosing and bearing only his children. that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. The scenario you posited is anything but. My wife I encourage to have her hobbies and she is a nice person. Then, let the pouting begin. Her duty? When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. Shortly after, our daughter in law and our granddaughters moved out of state. My wife and I are in our late 50s and connect wonderfully in all ways. You can clearly see that she is overworked and avoids intimacy. Initially, it probably was mostly about the sex. But connection and intimacy, and yes even sex, IS a need for many. I mention this so that you may not assume Im ugly or out of shape. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. Then she wakes and l turn my head to see her reach across pick up the phone and begin scrawling through and tapping away. To survive youll need to cheat or else go insane. She would use the excuse of my children may interrupt, although I would point out we have a lock on the door. The only difference is that if we separate I will not have the van!! If I was better looking and could make the time to find a willing partner Id do it because sex has dwindled a lot in the last ten years. We are 64 years old and havent had sex for 3 1/2 years. How to deal with erectile dysfunction in a marriage - Medical News Today Its been a slow process in development, heading to the place we have arrived in our relationship. Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. Is it something we should split over? 2. 11 Signs Your Boyfriend Isn't Interested In You Sexually Anymore But certainly different than when we were younger. Once the women have these needs fulfilled the sexual desire for the man that gave them all the things they desired goes away. It doesnt necessarily make it better but it makes sense. he is very persistent. However, if the unfortunate situation arises where your wife never initiates physical contact because shes having an affair, you need to deal with it gently. I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. During the first twenty- five years of our marriage we were both church goers and sent our son to Catholic schools, but we both now feel that religion doeset always have all the answers. And I suffer. Her body, emotions, and mind were changing. /** When he gets it, his wife & children are covered in security & abundance. My husband will not have sex with me anymore. Im in ok shape, not overweight . Nathan I am in exactly the same position as you. Is it me or does it seem like sex therapists and experts are lacking, some seem hedonistic? I understand, Im in the same position, although not as long of a time period without sex. My career came to a halt after my illness, due to a stigma related to my heart problems and brain surgery. I have suffered from severe sexual dysfunctions all my life, since I started having sex as a teen. If 2 people really love love,then they will find ways to please each other. Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. I actually considered early in my marriage that my husband might lean toward being gay and thats why he was somewhat uncomfortable having sex with me. He is ten years older. She has to try, and she should want to try for your sake if not hers. Its a shame when a marriage reaches this point because so much of both people were invested in it at the beginning and for quite a while. Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. My wife did not give me your three choices, but they are still there. It takes two. Well said my friend. Resentment in the marriage eventually leads to conflict and arguments. Someone on the side. This sounds exactly like my situation although I am the husband. I work, cook, clean, fix I dont drink or do any drugs. Should a wife forsake any of these advantages for the principle of equality? a great career in media..She seems to have lost interest in ME. Are you in a similar place in your relationship? Recently she will get naked and say I just want you to cum. Its the only wu to turn this round. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. Now, I just want to be wanted by her. Its not always the woman who has no interest. She understands that its hard for me, but we both dont know what to do about the situation. Even worse, because Im larger than average, she can no longer handle my penis even if she wanted to. Your wife never initiates physical contact - Sex feels like a chore Is your mind saying - "my wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me?" Your wife never initiates physical contact and she does not seem excited by that idea either. You should consider a strap on dildo, the size and width are your choice. I love her. Perhaps every month or so she gives me a handjob, rarely a BJ. About ten months ago she started yelling at me whenever I put my arms around her. . Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. 3. If your wife avoids intimacy constantly, paying attention to the emotional bond you share with her may be a good starting point. Who cares whos got the problem enjoy not having sex! She is somewhat stressed by the reduction in lifestyle we have been reduced to, after years of six figure income for both of us. Having married one of the well into that 34% is hell. Honey I can assure you 100% hes not doing without sex hes at the prime age to have sex I couldnt tell you why he didnt wanna have sex with you but Im going through the same thing with my wife. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. I certainly feel your pain and utter frustration. Does your wife struggle with self-love? And you are wasting your life . Im affectionate and do everything, but Im tired So I turn to porn and search things that include wife. And thats where I get my relief. That has been HER normal. OATS and Senior Planet are charitable affiliates of AARP: | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy. But, you must remember that this rejection of your sexual advances is often triggered by some underlying reasons. 1 use and money making business on the internet. Sex should be mutually inclusive. Hasnt been for 15 years. Wtf are we supposed to do when our spouse doesnt want to make love? Sex is a HUGE part of a marriage, are you kidding me? Not!! I can offer a small piece of advise. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. I used to ride, but geez that gets old and is still a problem because of the size and lack of hardness. Let them know how their refusal to engage with you sexually has affected you emotionally, physically, mentally and pyschologically. She know eccatly what shes doing. If not he should go on in it. Weve all heard the answer to no Sex is stop having Sex? If you think Im going to live the rest of my life without sex your absolutely out of your mind. Shes the mother of our kids! Sorry Mate. But my wife was not. She doesnt complain about helping me out but intercourse is quite painful for her and I dont want to press it if shes in pain. Now Im in my mid-50s, but have no problems whatsoever getting primed for sex. Invariably, its a case of emotional intimacy missing. Frankly Im tired of people pushing to try Testosterone replacement again. In the room. And one factor is being a caregiver. It might be time for you to be more responsible and let your wife have some me-time. Pamper her with a spa day or take her out on a nice vacation for two, to break the monotony and give her the relaxation she truly needs and deserves. Each time she claims to like having sex, but is just tired! When the support isnt there, the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy are going to suffer. Im at a loss for words. That you would elevate paid sex with a stranger above the shared intimacy and love found only after years together as partners says even more. Are you serious? Honor us with attention and physical contact. If they need get that only from you, so be it. Married 30 years now. I went elsewhere a few years back. I appreciate the fact that my wife has stayed with. If your penis does not work, attempt to fix it. I dont mean to downgrade the pain someone feels with this, but there are levels to everything. Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. That last sentence got my attention. My best friend. I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. Don't Touch MeI'm Your Wife! | Psychology Today She was before marriage. Her vagina is dry as a bone and she doesnt like penetration at all, either from me or her own fingers. Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. I almost wish I were. Am I ugly? 1. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. But they can FORCE their partners to NOT have sex and No one seems to want to talk about that. All the way. It took many years and visits to a lot of therapists to find out why I couldnt perform sexually with my wife during our 30 year marriage. She sleeps in the other room. If hes not willing to seek medical help and take pills to be able to have sex, the frustration amd resentment will be so much.