Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a6acb093a6415256b84d8aa314dc8bdc" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. We have a load of washing machine jokes, laundry detergent jokes, and so much more. I was feeling chair-itable so I donated a lot of my old furniture to the homeless shelter near my house. We were maid for each other. I saw a sign the other day that said, Watch for children, and I thought, That sounds like a fair trade.. 115 Medical Puns That Will Have You Aching With Laughter You can explore cleaners globally reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. 14. My friend got a Ph.D. in washing machines. We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection. What do sailors do their laundry with? 99 Problems opportunities One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. She looked at me and told me, "no-no, it's ionic.". I would tell you a joke about my bed, but it hasn't been made up yet. 111 of the best dad jokes and funniest one-liners | GoodTo Clean Jokes and One-liners for May - Funny Jokes Celia Cruz Whats one way to turn a mom whos cleaning into a raving maniac? I love cleaning up messes I didnt make. Salesman: Maam, this vacuum cleaner is so great that it will cut all your work by half!. 51. I didn't go through with it because I don't want to pick up a dirty habit. One-Liners. Because they love clean sheets. He replied, "it was a sockrifice.". Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about. Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. Communist jokes arent funny unless everyone gets them. Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop? I built a car out of my used and broken washing machine. 95. Pat. Aisling Bea, Im not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. Rory OKeeffe, 50 of Milton Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners, Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, Theres a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him. Carey Marx, I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. My brother was washing his suit and not doing a good job. I didn't let that get me down because I realized that it was the start of a new Era. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Only a mon-key will be able to open the lock to my house. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said Parking Fine. So that was nice. Tim Vine, Money cant buy you happiness? 2. Did you hear about that brand-new broom that just came out? To the person who stole my case of energy drinks: I hope you can't sleep at night. It'd be a clothes call. There should be confetti in tires, so it's still an okay day when there is a blow-out. Its all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick. Andrew Lawrence, A man walks into a chemists and says: Can I have a bar of soap, please? The chemist says: Do you want it scented? And the man says: No, Ill take it with me now. Ronnie Barker, Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my doors always open. Paul F. Taylor, People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves. Abi Roberts, I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas. If your homing pigeon doesnt come back, then what youve lost is a pigeon. Sara Pascoe, It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it youre adding raisins and marshmallows its a rocky road. Olaf Falafel, Somebody just gave me a shower radio. 26. When my dad complained that the plates were dirty, my mom said, But the cutlery is shining look on the bright side of knife.. 92. Nicholas Butler Contents Here are samples of our clean jokes and one-liners for May Experts found that people were more happy on May 18 than any other day of the year. Keep reading for more of the funniest jokes of all time. Did you hear they arrested the devil? The previous one sucked. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? It was a mirror-cle. My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. 72. This does not influence our choices. People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders. It said, "I'll see you next time around.". They were just not ready to Lego of them. 64. 29. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. 70. It means I can only play the homeless, and possibly Jesus. Russell Brand, Hedgehogs why cant they just share the hedge? Dan Antolpolski, People say Bill, are you an optimist? And I say, I hope so. Bill Bailey, My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements. Ready for some rib-tickling cleaning jokes? 19. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. He disappeared without a tres. 30. Did you see the curious monkey doing all the laundry? Rajnandini is an art lover and enthusiastically likes to spread her knowledge. Only a mon-key will be able to open the lock to my house. You know that white thing on his head? But its all just water under the fridge now. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Polly Hedron Exact, Read More 14 Funny Math Names PunsContinue. So I bought 100 copies ofGoldfinger. Nick Hall, My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. So we're hanging the clothes on a line outside. Yesterday, my wife injured her back trying to reach for the laundry detergent. Anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and we can not accept liability if things go wrong. Take a peek at these funny jokes we have for you. When you clean out a vacuum cleaner The coach replied, "You're standing too close to the ball after you've hit it.". If you are a real estate agent yourself, or have a close friend that is a real estate agent, then you will love the real estate puns in this article. 63. Cleaning the house fascinates everyone in my family. Why do basketball players have messy rooms? It doesn't have legs.". One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton. Laundry puns are always clean and not at all washed out. I ran out of detergent while I was going to do laundry today. 55. She sells seashells on the seashore. Milton Jones, So Im at the Wailing Wall, standing there, like a moron, with my harpoon. Emo Philips, A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. Rich Hall, A spa hotel? Unplug the cord, too, as well as any connected devices. I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is Goodbye.. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke. He is a knife guy. I hear theyre going to give him a tough sentence. 24 Funny One-Liners to Tell at Parties - LiveAbout How did the accident patient get a clean bill of health? Kids and adults will moan, groan and laugh at these corny puns and one-liners. I dated a maid for a while but had to break it off. Build a man a fire and hell be warm for a day. The 90 Best Laundry Puns And Jokes To Get You In A Spin 40. Its just something I could really see myself doing. The list below also includes some great house cleaning puns and jokes. Teen: Dad, I hate my life. Every time I enter my house, I am grateful for my house plants. Speaking to his son, a man started venting about his job at the dry cleaners and how sick and tired he was of it. Why a carrot as a logo? She left her hospital bill in her laundry by mistake. 70. There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. I went to a seafood disco last week, but ended up pulling a mussel. #1. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Why are goalkeepers good at doing laundry? Pollen is what happens when flowers cant keep it in their plants. De-light is the only household appliance that makes me very happy. Because they always throw their dirty clothes on the heap. Here is a list of some funny house puns to make you laugh. These hilariously funny jokes are meant to make you laugh about the amusing challenges of motherhood. What did the laundry ever do to you? I have discovered the secret to a clean house: never let your children or husband enter it. I heard they're calling it 'Detergent, a dishsoapian novel'. The Grand Canyon was like that when they found it! What happens when a closet picks a fight? A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on his shoulder. I told her that I've got loads of them. 88. I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off. 15. With an Orlando Broom. 8. Try telling one of the side-splitting medical jokes and puns that are guaranteed to get some giggles. In reality, artists find art puns and jokes to be amusing and even entertaining. 40 Best Spring Jokes for Kids and Parents | Jokes about Spring Funny One-Liners: 60 Clever One-Liners to Tell Friends - One-Liner Jokes We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Your privacy is important to us. Tied pods. The guy completely ruined my kitchen. Hes not dead, just very condescending. Jack Whitehall, Im so ugly, my father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet. Rodney Dangerfield, I said to the gym instructor: Can you teach me to do the splits? He said: How flexible are you? I said: I cant make Tuesdays. Tim Vine, I like the Pope. I became worried that he might get caught for money laundering. 35. Why? 88. Tap To Copy. But when he came back from work, the tables had turned. The process was paneful. eBay. Lee Mack, As a kid I was made to walk the plank. 12. 15. 9. Now we have no Hope, no Cash and no Jobs. I once bet my friend all my laundry that I could make him cry. It also includes some great house cleaning puns to make light work of those chores! Shes 97 now and we dont know where she is. Ellen DeGeneres, I got a great review this morning. It'd be a locust solution. I said that it was a sacrifice for the dryer god. In the spirit of commiserating over the woes of keeping house, weve swept up a collection of cleaning jokes, puns, and one-liners for your reading pleasure. Why was Mr. Miyagi allowed to do his laundry at Cobra Kai dojo? My friends bakery burned down last night. How to Clean a Laptop Screen Without Damaging It A man walks into a vacuum cleaner store. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke .) This book brings to you 500 unique easy one-liner jokes, appropriate for barely older kids and dad and mom too! Laugh more: Disney Jokes That are Truly Magical! 11. Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. 52. 4. They can be basic one-liners that are nevertheless funny enough to make everyone chuckle. 2. 2. 99. George Carlin Quotes 1. When I am asked what my favourite genre of music is, I always say it is House. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. 3. The smile looks really good on you. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. 83. Whats a frogs favorite type of shoes? 62. 39. With Thai Pods. My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, Watt?. 64. These one-liners, puns, and funny jokes for kids are appropriate for any time of day, month, or year! Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. I told them, "Just you wait!". 32. 15+ Cheeky and Corny Love Jokes you can laugh with him and her! 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. 100. All of it is washed up.". 33. Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her or something like that. I went thats me, and he went no, youre that mad bloke off the telly! Lee Mack, 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips, You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. Looking for some hilarious cleaning jokes to tell your clean freak friends? These. They can sit and watch me for hours. what did the play say to the other play pun, 53 Squeaky-Clean Cleaning Jokes To Wash Your , 53 FUNNY Cleaning Jokes 2022 (For Man and Women! What would happen if a person from Alabama dropped their detergent down a hill? 90. Because her work was de-pressing. There was a lot on the line. In a particular version of a poker game, the players have to put away their laundry loads before play. I asked my dad if the dryer was still running. Tommy Cooper I just got lost in thought. 13. Famous One Liner Jokes. POST. 101. It's called Twix and Shout. 58. 19. One day YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook will join together and be called: YouTwitFace; The past, present, and future walked into a bar. And its for that reason that he lost his job as chair of the British Book Cover Awards panel. Dear small line of dirt that wont go into the dustpan I hate you with every part of my soul. 84. Just got fired from my job as a set designer. What would you call an automatic washing machine that washes nun's clothing? A termite walks into the bar and asks, Is the bar tender here?. Lets see some cleaning jokes by famous people. Lindt chocolate. Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. Check out these one-liner nurse jokes filled with nurse humor. So far Ive finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. The washing machine would engage in a viscous cycle. 33. Clean Short Jokes, Funny One Line Jokes Set a man on fire and hell be warm for the rest of his life. It's pretty cute until it poops on your head." "I'm skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! He says, Uno, dos and poof! She says that the moon always messes with the tide. Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training. We had to get our vacuum cleaner exchanged. Why did the lemon go to school wearing a red shirt? I am originally from Indiana. What we suggest is selected independently by the Kidadl team. My father has schizophrenia, but hes good people. I start my new job as a street cleaner today. 18. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Well, to be Frank with you, Id have to change my name. Why did the astronaut bring his maid to the ISS (International Space Station)? 45. 57. The door was so heavy that I could not handle it. When I was a baby he said, Is this a joke? Ken Dodd, I went down the local supermarket. Two wifi engineers got married. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals. Peter Kay, Whoever said nothing is impossible obviously hasnt tried nailing jelly to a tree. John Candy, 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners, Shes great, my Nan. Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon. The end.. What would happen if you found $50 while doing laundry? We dont want your type in here!. At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. What if there were no hypothetical questions? I could not successfully assemble the furniture I got from the store that day. ", 51. My life would succ without them. My friend once found a $50 bill in his pants pocket after laundry. 151 Hilarious Bank Jokes That'll Surely Raise Your Interest ' Jerry Seinfeld, I was not a particularly small child. 49. I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school play. Jo Brand, 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners, I thought Id begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? That's because his blue shirt was dirty and in the laundry. That was a load off of my mind. 78. Sistermatic. I built a car out of my used and broken washing machine. Clean Jokes For Adults That Are Actually Funny: 53+ Best + More Things got a little tense. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. A husband is someone who, after emptying the bin, gives the impression he just cleaned the entire house. So I just requested my dad if he could help me hang the laundry. 11. It only has three letters. He had to gnocchi instead. I washed my clothes today, and a couple of pictures of Santa washed up. A Deter Gent. 47. 25. A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, Is this stool taken?. Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak. The cop told me, "well, they seem to have made a clean getaway. I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them. What did one sock say to the other sock in the dryer? Dentists always get to the root of the problem. 13. What did the broom say to the vacuum? 50. 67. Marcelene Cox, Nothing inspires cleanliness more than an unexpected guest. I became worried that he might get caught for money laundering. I had to put my foot down. She kept running away from the ball. Using a dry . 1. If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler. Once everyone has enjoyed a feel-good belly laugh, turn up the tunes and tackle the housework together. How do network routers fix their shaking washing machine? My cousin wanted to know if I knew any laundry puns. My observational comedy improved. Sara Pascoe, I dont trust the press. 2. 88. He is known to be a fridge magnate. 75. They were a-mason. When you buy through the links on our site we may earn a commission. 21. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. 65. I made a few speaker boxes out of my used laundry detergent bottles. 2. 27. 4. Making sure that your house stays radiant and clean is a big aspect of every homeowner's responsibilities. They also make great Instagram captions for laundry day. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? 77. With a clean microfiber cloth, wipe off any excess sealer. I always say that If you think doing laundry is not funny, you just need to have a dryer sense of humor. 56. 62. I get plenty of exercise at work: Jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines. The boss jokes don't have to be very clever. 49. If your daughter gets untidy from playing in the mud outside, you should just washer and dryer. When my closet picks a fight, it becomes a war-drobe. But I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that." Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. 45 Funny, Clean Christian Jokes You Could Tell in Church - Parade RIP. Now my hands are tide. If your kids resist chores, make it fun! One said: Oo, oo, oo, aah aah aah.The other replied: Well, put some cold in it then. Harry Hill, Owls havent got necks, have they? They charged one and let the other one off. Tommy Cooper, Im learning the hokey cokey. My house is so messy it looks like Im losing a game of Jumanji. I got a new pair of gloves today, but theyre both lefts, which on the one hand is great, but on the other, its just not right. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). My dad seeing that, exclaimed, "that was a clothes one.". A member of staff came up to me and said hey youre that mad bloke off the telly. Dad: What do you mean? Teen: It sucks. Dad: Well, there is always Roomba improvement.. Let's see some cleaning jokes by famous people. 76 Funny One-Liners and Jokey Zingers to Keep Kids on Their Toes - Fatherly We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! I gave him a glass of water. 100 Best Spring Jokes 2023 Best Spring Puns for Kids Lately, colleagues have been writing names on the food in the office fridge. 3. When I say I cleaned my room, I usually mean, I made a path from my door to my bed. 36 Witty & Wacky Icebreaker Jokes To Tell At Your Next Meeting Some relatives came to our house while my sister was trying to make a swing on the front lawn by hanging on a wire. Clean Hilarious One-liners, Jokes and Uproarious Yarns We share them in our weekly newsletter. Corny Pirate Jokes and Pirate Puns | Reader's Digest ", 24. IE 11 is not supported. What do you call a president that has tons of laundry to do? "Well, we'll just freeze-dry them", I told her. 85 Nurse Jokes That Will Always Get A Laugh On The Ward We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances. I can write jokes I just choose not to. Stewart Lee, Conjunctivitis.com theres a site for sore eyes. Tim Vine, Exit signs? We couldnt afford a dog. Gary Delaney, You give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. When the manager comes, she asks the man, Is there something wrong, sir? And the man replies, Oh, somethings wrong everything you sell sucks.. Of course, we have more for you. 39. 59. 96. 53. Do not worry about gathering massive amounts; just read these jokes and feel happy and sound. And its not like it was hard to find. Ed Byrne, A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. How to Clean and Shine Marble Floors - stage.rd.com Cleaning ladies are always hiding things you leave out. Hes a small arms dealer. Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. Or theres this one: Cleaning the house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. That one is actually a quote from Phyllis Diller from her 1966 book Phyllis Dillers Housekeeping Hints and it still rings true, even today. 23+ Hilarious Funny Clean Jokes that are beyond funny! Mark Twain, that prolific witty author who brought to us the delightful tale of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, was a quick witted man who seldom kept his opinion to himself! From cheesy one-liners to sweet dessert jokes,there's something here for every appetite. Behind every good marriage is a great house cleaning service. Our recommended activities are based on age but these are a guide. That's a bit of a stretch." "I don't have a girlfriend. 03/01/2023. I call it insta-gram. If you want more, we have clean jokes that are actually funny. When my sister came back and saw the furniture in her room had been re-arranged, she hit the roof! We also have clean adult jokes for you to enjoy. The Beatles wrote one song about laundry detergent and chocolate. I said: I want to make a complaint this vinegars got lumps in it. He said: Those are pickled onions. Tim Vine, My grandfather invented the cold air balloon but it never really took off. Milton Jones, I moved to a well-to-do area. After washing all the clothes, my mom accidentally dropped all the laundry. Being rich, one of the worst things that can happen to someone is having all of their secrets revealed. Laundry puns are not as bad as everyone thinks they are. 27. Your email address will not be published. Well send you tons of inspiration to help you find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big day out. This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, The Best Laundry Puns And Jokes To Get You In A Spin, 38 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow. 59. 35. Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly puns for everyone to enjoy! 2. 23. Just burned 2,000 calories. What do dentists call their x-rays? I really am light!". It was very sweet. These puns and jokes can brighten up your day at home. My furniture can't communicate with us when we're talking in English. 7. 1. 6. I'm currently eating a yoghurt called Susan. The reason those quotes are shared so much is that they are so freaking relatable! 46. Riveting! Stewart Francis, The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. How do you contact the spirit of a recently deceased window cleaner? But, if such a sad instance occurs and you couldn't find your favorite one-liner included in our list, add it in the comments section. But when it gets bad, I take something for it. Ken Dodd, I like to go into The Body Shop and shout out really loud, Ive already got one! Jimmy Carr, I got recognised today in Dixons. Spending time at home is relaxing, but now, it can also be fun with these house puns, jokes, and one-liners! Radhika Mundra, Housework cant kill you but why take a chance. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more. Trilingual Rajnandini has also published work in a supplement for 'The Telegraph', and had her poetry shortlisted in Poems4Peace, an international project. Now his business is toast. My house was clean yesterday. Always borrow money from a pessimist. Food-naming I love my job. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. These religious jokes are (sacra)ment to make you grin for what might seem like an eternity, and bring some laughter (and possible good-natured head shaking) to your day. See? Why didnt the toilet paper make it past the road? She hoped the soaps would act as a detergent against future grime. Trilingual Rajnandini has also published work in a supplement for 'The Telegraph', and had her poetry shortlisted in Poems4Peace, an international project. Have a go at this list of puns, including puns on clothes, the washing machine puns, and other hilarious puns. Here are 175 really bad jokes, ranging from terrible puns and horrible one-liners to cringy- and groan-worthy jokes that are so bad they're good. The bartender said, Sorry, we dont serve spirits here.. Using a microfiber cloth, wipe the sealer in even strokes to cover a small (approximately 3-by-3-foot) area. Leaving excess sealer on the marble can make the stone cloudy or leave streaks. Well see about that. A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing and mean your mother. 10. The cup complimented the glass and said, "I love how you look. I wrote a song about how I changed the lock of my house door. 2. My sister and I were doing our laundry together. It was an udder failure. 41. My friend invented a washing machine for banknotes. Top Cleaning Puns - Best-puns.com 100 Funny One-Liners to Crack Up Your Friends Best Hilarious Jokes All of these jokes for kids and adults are so bad, they're good. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . A told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. Its like a vacuum cleaner.. Ruby Lou Barnhill, I always clean before the cleaning lady comes. Remains to be seen. My mother usually prefers doing laundry during the daytime. 1. When I went to do my laundry today, I realized that I needed to open a new packet of detergent. Theres no training you just pick it up as you go along. They are all adoorable. Well, I guess I shouldn't have used my Yule Tide Detergent. 29. It was unfamiliar territory. My realtor friend does not let anyone eat meat at the table. You'll also find common jokes like 'how many nurses does it take to screw a lightbulb' and other light bulb related jokes. Its that no one runs in your family. Its like, See if you can blow this out. If youre American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?